


You Are Not Alone

by thisgirlsays22



Series: Home [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/M, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Pining, Post-Canon, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-04-29 03:26:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14463969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisgirlsays22/pseuds/thisgirlsays22
Summary: Mikasa relishes in her newfound sense of freedom. Loneliness does not mean she is alone.A prequel and sequel to Home and I Know (I Am the One in Love).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreamxxdream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamxxdream/gifts).



> This is a very belated birthday gift for the wonderful Nadine who always is up for deep discussions about the SNK crew and who shares my JeanKasa AND Ereri love.
> 
> This will probably be about 2-3 parts, but I was late enough with this gift, I wanted to get it going <3

The moment Levi arrived at her door, Mikasa knew that Eren’s happiness was just around the corner. She could sense it, the same way Sasha always sensed when they needed to slow their movements to sneak up on prey; the way Armin could sense when the political tide was turning against Historia; the way Jean could sense when Mikasa needed to be alone.

She had been taken aback by the unexpected sight of Levi on her front porch. “You’re not Jean.”

And she wasn’t Eren. Levi’s eyes flicked behind her to the dark corridor as though expecting him to be there, waiting.

“He’s not here.”

“I didn’t think he was.”

“You were hoping.”

Levi didn’t answer. Mikasa stepped aside to let him in, and directed him to her small living room. She gestured for him to sit on the sofa--imported from Marley, a gift from Sasha and Connie when she’d moved in--and went to fetch a tray of tea and biscuits from the kitchen.

While the tea was boiling she assembled the tea set, a housewarming gift from Jean, white and delicate with tiny blue birds painted through the center of each cup and all around the teapot. She stared down at the tray, and her thoughts drifted to Eren, as they often did, about whether now he’d come home or if Levi’s return would send him further into the forest of his self-imposed exile.

“He’s living in a stupid cabin now,” she announced as she placed the tray in front of Levi, pushing the plate of biscuits towards him.

Levi was dressed more casually than Mikasa was used to--no cravat, simple black shirt and casual trousers--but his back was rigid, posture perfect as he gave her a short nod and reached for the tea. His expression remained impassive as ever, but Mikasa thought his eyes looked a little sadder than last she’d seen him.  

“When did he leave?”

She shrugged. “Not too long after you.”

Levi’s hand briefly stilled as he brought the cup to his lips. Mikasa took note of the hesitation with mild interest.   

“Jean’s going to visit him.” She peered at Levi as she took a delicate sip from her cup.  “I was actually expecting him to stop by today before he left.”

“Hm.”

“Jean wouldn’t mind if you went instead. It’ll stop him from complaining.”

“Does Eren keep the place clean?”

“You know better than anyone that he was always the best at cleaning.”

Levi gave her a small smile. “Yeah, the Corps should have given him a damn medal.”

She returned the smile and was about to ask about Marley when there was a knock at the door, sharp and precise.

This time it was Jean, dressed in his work clothes. Crisp, white button-down over his most sensible trousers. His hair was neat, perfectly styled, and she looked forward to the damage she’d wreck on it.

“Hey,” he said, hands landing on her waist, head tilting forward to kiss her.

“I have company,” she said, touching a hand to his chest. He straightened, disappointment clouding his face.

He followed her through to the living room, visibly surprised when he spotted Levi. Jean straightened instinctively, and for a moment Mikasa thought he might salute. Levi had been gone long enough that he could be excused for reverting to old habits.

“It’s good to see you, si--Levi.” Jean corrected himself smoothly as Levi arched an eyebrow.

“You too, Jean.”

“I’ll be in Marley in a few weeks for work. I was going to see if you were free for a meal.”

A thought occurred to Mikasa. “You saw each other last time Jean was in Marley, didn’t you?”

“Yes, that's right,” Jean said, and Levi nodded.

That had been right before Eren’s departure, hadn’t it? Before his childish rant about how nowhere felt like home.

In his letters he sounded lonely, but nothing she wrote brought him back. A new strategy had appeared in her doorway today. He hadn’t exactly said yes earlier, though.  

“Jean, you wouldn’t mind if Levi went to see Eren, would you?”

Levi eyed Mikasa warily.

“Oh, you mean a weekend in my own bed instead of on Eren’s floor? No, I don’t mind.”

“Sure, I’ll go,” Levi said, putting down his cup. “I suppose I could break his legs for you and drag him back home, if that’s what you want.”

“That won’t be necessary. You just need to bring him some supplies, make sure he hasn’t done anything too stupid,” Mikasa said.  

“I’m not a miracle worker.”

“Better you than me.” Jean shrugged his jacket off and draped it over one of the chairs. “You can have a crack at him.”

“How are the others then?” Levi asked, brushing past Jean’s remark.

“Historia’s trying to raise the import taxes again,” Mikasa said.

Levi tilted his chin in Jean’s direction. “Bet you love that.”

Jean leant back in his chair, looking miserable. “It’s causing me no end of trouble, but that’s the job.”

“How’s your station?” Mikasa asked Levi.  

“Paint drying would be more interesting. They’re a bunch of lazy bastards.”

“My recruits aren’t much better,” Mikasa said. “I’m glad they can afford to be soft, but…”

“If something happens they won’t be prepared.”

Mikasa nodded. “No matter how much we prepare them.”

“Well, that’s where I come in. I keep the peace.” Jean sat up straight and puffed up his chest.  

The afternoon drifted by as they eased back into one another’s company. Jean stopped speaking so stiffly to Levi and started talking to him like a friend again. Levi’s posture relaxed and he laughed at Mikasa’s stories (mostly the one one’s that centred around Hanji and the latest batch of recruits they were wrangling).  

When the sky started to darken, Levi stood to say his goodbyes. He cleared his throat, and said, “Give me the supplies for Eren, then. I’ll leave in the morning.”

She and Jean exchanged looks, and Levi looked annoyed.

“Let me get the bag,” she said.  

Her love for Eren had always been as difficult to grasp as water. The cruel world as she knew it had revolved around him. A brother, a friend, the object of some indulgent, adolescent fantasties.

But over time that love had taken shape and settled. Strong and sure, but no longer all-consuming. It had still been painful to watch him struggle after the war, unable to help. As she sent Levi off with supplies and directions, she felt something ease in her chest.

After Levi was gone, Jean turned to her. “Do you think Levi’s going there to fuck some sense into him?”

“I have no idea anymore. I thought Levi just wasn’t…”

“Into men?”

“Into anyone.”

Jean wrinkled his nose. “Eren used to have it bad for him. It was embarrassing to watch.”

He was right. Eren had acted like a lovesick idiot at one point during their teens--earning himself both good and ill-natured teasing. His mooning had petered out before the war had moved to Marleyan shores, but...after the war, no matter how miserable Eren could be, he always made space for Levi. They’d been friends.

“Whatever the hell is going on with them, I hope they figure it out,” she said. Then she strolled in the direction of her bedroom, a sway in her hips, and said over her shoulder, “Come on, Ambassador Kirschtein.”

 

 

 

Jean buttoned up his shirt, running a hand over it to smooth the wrinkles. “You’re still coming with me to the palace next week? For the fundraiser?”  

She stood before him, still naked, and did up one of the buttons he’d missed. “Ask whoever you’re stringing along this week to go with you.”

Jean huffed, face red. “I’m not stringing anyone along,” he sputtered. “Just because the last date you went on was a year ago, doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t have any fun.”

She rolled her eyes. He was getting hard again as he looked at her, and she palmed his cock through his underwear. Jean stopped fussing with his shirt and pushed her back down on the bed, hovering over her.

“You already said you’d go,” he murmured, appealing to her honor rather than her sympathy. A clever strategy. His hard length pressed between her legs, and she rubbed herself against him, wanting more.

“Alright,” she conceded, pushing his shoulders down towards her naval. “I’m not going to dance, though.”

“Fine. I promise we won’t have any fun at all, and you can mope all you like.” He guided himself down until his head was between her legs, and she ran her fingers through the darker tips of his hair.

She laughed in spite of herself, smiling up at the ceiling as he began to tease her. “We could play practical jokes on Sasha again.”

Jean swirled his tongue around her clit, pace slow and even the way she liked, and when he looked up at her he grinned. “Oh yeah? What do you have in mind?”

“If she gets up to use the bathroom, hide some of her food.”

“She’d never leave her food unguarded.”

“It happened last time.”

“Well then, we’ll keep watch over Sasha’s food for the evening. Does that mean you’ll come?”

“Yes, I suppose it does.” Shit. This meant she’d have to buy a new dress.

Jean moved a hand up to rub her nipple between his fingers and she moaned, bucking her hips.  

“Are you going to fuck me now, or what?” she asked.

Jean opened his mouth to reply, but she changed her mind. She pulled him up, wrapped her legs around him, and flipped them over. “Actually, this time I think I’ll fuck you.”

“Hell yeah,” Jean breathed, looking up at her reverently as she sank down on his cock.

Later, hand on the doorknob, he turned and asked her. “Do you really not care if I’m seeing other people?”

“I’ve already told you I don’t.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I wanted to check again. What you said earlier about stringing people along...I’m not...”

“I know,” she said. She was the problem, not Jean.

He nodded and stepped out into the night. She could have asked him to stay; he probably would have, despite the luncheon he was attending the next day. But the loneliness, the kind that hated company, wrapped its hands around her throat and kept the words from coming. Jean didn’t push the matter, but he gave her a quick kiss before he walked out the door.   

 

 

 

That night, lying in her bed, she reached for her notebook on her bedside table and wrote:

_You are not alone._

_You are not alone._

_You are NOT alone._

Over and over until she hit the end of the page. She wrote them for herself, for Eren. As though she could will them to come true.

She’d taken to sleeping with things in the bed when Jean wasn’t there--clothes, notebooks, pens. In quiet moments like these, surrounded by the stillness of the night, the soft chirping of crickets outside her window, she let herself miss them all.

Of its own accord, her hand slid down the opposite side of the bed. She fell asleep with her notebook by her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the wonderful [ Fluffymusketeer ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffymusketeer/pseuds/fluffymusketeer) for betaing this <3
> 
> Kudos & comments always so so appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

Mikasa sipped her second cup of coffee in Hanji’s office. She had slept fitfully the night before, and it showed in her sluggish movements. The recruits didn’t need Mikasa half-assing it through drills. 

“Rough night?” Hanji asked, trying to hide their smile.

“Not what you’re thinking.” 

“That’s no fun.” 

“You’re like a gossipy teenager,” Mikasa pointed out.  

“I thought you liked that about me.” 

Mikasa sighed. “I really should end things with Jean.” 

“What? Why?”

The coffee tasted too bitter. There hadn’t been enough sugar left in the jar. She sipped it anyway, avoiding the question. Though they'd never explicitly discussed it, Jean had been in her life for a long time, and she could see the kind of life he wanted unfolding out between them. But since the war had ended, since Eren had left, since Armin had become preoccupied with work, her life had shifted in ways she’d never expected. 

For the first time, everything belonged to her. It was a different kind of freedom than the one Eren had imagined. Sweeter. And though she missed her friends, and at night she had to remind herself she was not alone, there was a purity to the loneliness, a strength. 

If she let him, Jean would intertwine both their lives completely. He would absorb her into his world as he did with the parties sometimes. Optional would become obligation. She would have to move into his house, closer to the palace. She would have to attend endless events. He'd probably wanted to get married soon, fill his home with children.

Mikasa longed for Jean all the time. But he deserved to be with someone who could share their life with him completely, and she wasn’t sure if she could. Not yet.

“Mikasa?” Hanji stretched out a leg and nudged Mikasa with their foot. “You in there?”

“I just can’t,” she said finally.

“It’s funny the things that stay with you,” Hanji mused.

“What?” Mikasa squinted, not following the line of thought. 

“During the war, I remember that Jean was always looking out for where you were. You were looking out for Eren, and Jean was looking out for you.”

Her heart ached at that. It had been years, so much had changed, and yet...had things really changed at all? 

“Hanji,” she began. “Are you happy as Commander?” 

Hanji answered without hesitation. “Not particularly.”

“Why don’t you step down?” Mikasa asked. “You talked about leading the research division full time before. Things are different now; you don’t need to stay in a role you never wanted.” 

“I know it’s different. But it’s naive to think that we could never go to war again. Peace is fragile, Mikasa. I couldn’t let Erwin down like that. You know, I used to think Jean would be the perfect successor, that I’d hand over the reigns to him and never look back, but I think he’s content with his role.” 

“Armin?” 

“Already turned me down. I think he wants to stay close to Historia.” Hanji raised their eyebrows. 

“Gossipy teenager.” Mikasa sighed. “There must be someone else.” She wanted Hanji to be free.

“I have a few others in mind. We’ll see.” 

“I hope it happens for you sooner rather than later,” Mikasa said. Hanji had become a good friend over the years, she wanted them to be happy. 

Hanji smiled and then said, “So, Eren and Levi, huh?”  

Mikasa’s eyes shot to Hanji. “What?” 

“Levi came to see me before he went chasing after Eren. I don’t know what you said to him, but he looked like a man on a mission.” 

“I’m going now,” Mikasa said, standing. 

“Oh, come on! When do you think they’ll be back?” 

“I’m leaving.” 

“You Ackermans are never any fun.” 

“You know, Levi warned me about you before he left.” She put the empty coffee mug on Hanji’s desk and headed for the door. “Gossip.” 

Hanji’s laughter followed Mikasa down the hall.

 

 

Eren and Levi returned a few days later. At the smile Eren gave her, Mikasa nearly burst into tears. He kept giving Levi those dopey looks that brought her back to when they were fifteen. All she had ever wanted was for Eren to be okay, and here he was, better than she’d ever seen him before. 

“Good, you’re here just in time to come to the fundraiser with us,” she said, over dinner on their second night back. 

They sat around Jean’s table in his grand dining room, the full-length windows overlooking the garden. Jean had even put out the nice china. Mikasa was secretly pleased he’d done so for Eren and that he’d extended the invitation in the first place. His spacious townhouse was better for dinner parties than Mikasa’s modest home. Besides, she hated hosting.  

“You’ll be the talk of the town,” Jean added. 

“Not a chance in hell,” Levi said, calmly taking a sip of wine. It felt too pretentious to admit, but she really did like when Jean brought out a fancy bottle for dinner. 

“No? Oh, Levi, won’t you dance with me?” Eren mock pleaded, casting a sly look at Levi.

“Don’t be a shithead.” 

“Is this what counts as foreplay for you two?” Jean asked. 

“Shut up, Jean.”

“You shut up, Eren. You’re the one flirting with your...with Levi at dinner.” 

“We weren’t flirting! And besides, you’re the one trying to impress Mikasa with all this fancy shit.” He waved his hand over the serving platters, piled high with chicken, roasted vegetables and bread. “Is that  _ your _ idea of foreplay?”  

They glared at one another over the table. 

“Aren’t you going to punch one of them?” Mikasa asked Levi. 

“Not yet,” Levi replied mildly, reaching for another roll and the butter. “Mind the candles if you start throwing punches. Last thing we need’s a fucking fire.” 

Simultaneously, Jean and Eren both leaned back in their seats, still huffing. 

Jean took another sip of wine then asked, “So does this mean you’re moving back to Paradis, Levi?”

Eren and Levi exchanged looks. 

“What?” Mikasa prompted, trying to keep her tone neutral. 

Levi sighed. “I’m leaving the Corps.” 

“ _ What? _ ” Jean and Mikasa chorused. 

“We’re going to travel,” Eren said by way of explanation. “It’s probably safe for me to return to Marley, but...there’s more of the world I--we--want to see.”

Mikasa glared at Levi. He was supposed to bring Eren back, not take him farther away.   

“Who knows how long he was going to stay out in the woods for,” Levi said. “What’s the difference?”

“I could still go see him!”

“I’m right here,” Eren said. “And you loved my letters. I’ll write to you all the time. I’ll send you postcards!” 

What a fucking asshole!  _ You loved my letters.  _ She waved a hand. “Fine. Do what you like.”  

“Just because you want to stay here, doesn’t mean I do,” Eren continued, as though he hadn’t heard her. 

Suddenly, she felt the absence of her scarf around her neck. She longed to tuck her chin in its protective embrace. Longed for something familiar, comforting. Jean rested a hand on her arm, and she felt some of the tension leave her shoulders. 

Everyone was staring at her with apprehension. It was Levi’s disappointed look that hurt, though. She’d never seen it directed at her before. 

“Let’s just talk about this tomorrow,” she said, looking down at her plate. 

Eren deflated, slumping back in his chair. “Yeah, okay.” 

They finished the meal, Jean gamely trying to steer the conversation to more pleasant territory, and Levi went along with it. Mikasa and Eren avoided each other’s looks, politely addressing one another only if the conversation truly called for it.

After dinner, Levi and Eren excused themselves to return to the inn where they were staying. Mikasa watched from the front window as they walked down the winding path away from Jean’s house, Eren intertwining his hand in Levi’s. 

She moped for the rest of night, tucking herself away in Jean’s study where she scribbled madly in her notebook. It was one of her favorite places to write. He kept everything neat, and he always had her favorite incense on hand--an earthy, warm sandalwood. “Use the room whenever you like,” he’d offered.   

The words bled from the pen, ugly and raw. Nothing she wrote sounded right. Distracting thoughts filled her mind:  _Eren_ _and his stupid letters. No,_ postcards _!_

“Hey,” Jean said from the doorway, after she’d been at it for about an hour. 

She looked up from her notebook. “Hey.” 

“You’re really that upset about Eren? I thought you were kind of used to him not being around. Maybe even enjoying yourself,” Jean said, frowning.  

“I want him to be happy. I just...thought he’d come back to stay here. With Levi.” 

“Really?” Jean asked. “That was your big play?” 

“Yes. I thought Levi would come back for Eren. I never thought they’d just up and leave us all.” 

“Some people are our blind spots,” Jean said, a little sadly. “Eren never seemed happy here, Mikasa. And of course he wasn’t going to just go settle down in Marley forever either.” 

She felt like she was being pulled apart in all directions. It wasn’t even clear to her why she was so sad. Her life had been good lately, hadn’t it? Even without Eren around every day. 

Abruptly, she asked, “Jean, when did you realise you wanted me?” Because it was easier than asking  _ what do you really want?  _

He gave the question some thought and came to sit down besides Mikasa on the  ottoman . “I thought you were beautiful right away, but it was seeing you just being yourself, with Sasha, that made me really like you.” 

“With Sasha?” 

“Yeah, I realised you had this secret funny side to you. You were always so serious about training, or looking out for Eren and Armin. It wasn’t what I expected.” 

“And is that why you looked out for me?” she asked.

“What? No. It just seemed like you needed someone in your corner. I usually agreed with you anyway...except about Eren sometimes.” 

She snorted. “Except about Eren  _ most  _ of the time.” 

"Yeah." A smile broke out on his face. “Also, that time in the hot springs.” 

“What?” 

“Mikasa, I don’t think you know what towel slippage does to a teenage boy.” 

Mikasa groaned and covered her face. “Sasha was right about you.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

She stretched her fingers and peered out at him with one eye. “Pervert.”

Jean gave her an indigent look. “I was seventeen! And when the towel of the most gorgeous girl you’ve ever seen slips, it’s the kind of thing that stays in your head forever.”

“Forever? You see me naked all the time.” Her cheeks flushed. Jean was being a moron. 

“True.” Jean smiled. “But that was...unexpected.” 

She leaned into him then, head resting on his chest so her ear was pressed over his heart. There were moments like these when she thought,  _ I should be with you every minute of every day.  _ A fear she couldn’t put words to always followed this thought, manifesting as a tightness in her chest. What if she changed her mind, wanted to be alone again, and hurt him? 

“Thanks for looking out for me. Even when you shouldn’t have,” she said. 

“Well, Mikasa. I suppose not much has changed.” 

When she looked up, he smiled down at her, but it didn’t reach his eyes. 

“How do you mean?” 

He shook his head. “Nothing.” Jean unwrapped his arms from around her and stood. “I’m busy for the rest of the week, but I’ll see you for the fundraiser.” 

“Have fun with your...other friend,” she said, too lightly. 

“Thanks, I will.” 

The words, probably meant as a joke, came out meaner and sharper than Jean intended, judging by the stricken look on his face. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “That came out wrong.” 

“It’s fine.” Mikasa stood. “I should get going. I have an early morning.”  

Before she left his house, he pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the wonderful [ Fluffymusketeer ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffymusketeer/pseuds/fluffymusketeer) for betaing this <3
> 
> Kudos & comments always so so appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

Mikasa had always been good at things. When she put her mind to something, she soaked up the nuances and the details like a sponge. So it pained her a great deal to realise that when it came to understanding her own desires and untangling them from those of her friends and family, she did not soak up these nuances and details. 

To her left, Eren swooped through an opening between two tree branches, letting out a triumphant shout. She was pleased he’d called her that morning from the telephone at the inn (the novelty of telephones was only just begining to wear off in Paradis) and asked if she wanted to go flying together again. They still hadn’t talked about anything important, but it was good to feel the wind whipping around her, to do something she knew she was good at. 

They bobbed and weaved around one another, recalling old formations and tricks. Eren was a little rusty, but grew more comfortable as the morning passed. At noon they stopped for lunch, exhausted and ravenous. Eren ate the bread and cheese Mikasa had packed like a starved man. 

“You still mad at me?” he asked.

She shrugged, chewing thoughtfully on an apple slice. 

“I thought since I’ve been gone for awhile and you have Jean that you wouldn’t mind if I left,” Eren tried again. 

It wasn’t worth pointing out that she didn’t really  _ have  _ Jean. This wasn’t about that. Watching as a line of ants made their way by their picnic blanket, Mikasa said, “The whole time I thought it was temporary. That you’d be coming back, I suppose.” 

“I’m sorry,” he said, the words sounded sincere. It still surprised her when he did that. She’d half expected him to become a child again, to shout at her that she wasn’t his mother or sister. To do whatever he wanted without considering how it might impact those around him. 

“I do want you to be happy, you know.” Mikasa meant it. She’d always wanted that for him.  

“I know.” 

“Promise you’ll write?” 

“Of course. And I’m not leaving forever. Who knows, maybe this time I’ll ask you to come chasing after me.” 

She rolled her eyes, but a smile broke through her stony expression. “You never know.” 

 

 

Levi and Eren came to the banquet in the end. They made it look easy, somehow. As though they’d been together all along. As if the way they danced together, the way they looked at each other, didn’t make their friends stop and stare in shock. 

Sasha kept grabbing Mikasa’s arm. “Can you believe it?”

Mikasa did in fact believe it, and she let Connie enthusiastically respond with, “Kind of, but not really,” every time Sasha asked the question.  

Though she was glad she’d spoken to Eren earlier, she knew it would take more time before the pain softened, lost its edge. It would help to just keep pushing forward, to write, to train. Time would make it easier as it had when he’d first left. 

“I’ll be right back,” she told Sasha and Connie. Jean was in a circle of people--other government officials Mikasa vaguely recognised--she hoped if she slipped out for some air she’d be back before he noticed. 

But of course he did. He appeared at her shoulder less than five minutes after she’d stepped onto the balcony, relieved to be breathing in the fresh air. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, concern lacing his words. 

Mikasa thought of people chasing dreams they didn’t believe in, like Hanji staying on as Commander. She didn’t want to be that for Jean. It was time to let him go. 

“I’m fine. I just have things on my mind.” 

“Just tell me, Mikasa.” 

“Jean...is here really the best place to talk?” 

He shrugged. “Sure. Why not?” 

Hands tightening on the balcony ledge, the stone cold under her hands, she swallowed. “Jean, I don’t think we should do this anymore.” 

“What exactly are we doing, Mikasa?” 

“This--” she gestures between them. 

“Is this about Eren leaving?” 

“This has nothing to do with him.” 

“That’s a first.” 

“That’s not fair.” 

“Isn’t it?” 

They stared at one another, and Mikasa looked away first, conceding the point. “It’s not like that anymore,” she said. “He’s my family, and I’ll always be there for him, but my life is...mine.” 

“Glad to hear it.” 

“Jean--” but she didn’t know how to finish the thought. 

“Mikasa.” 

“I can’t be the person you need me to be.” 

Jean looked irritated now in a way that surprised her, a look she’d normally seen reserved for Eren. “Who exactly is it you think I need you to be?” 

“Someone who can always show up to these parties. Someone who wants to have a family soon, a political career, a wife who stays at home and runs the household.” 

“Mikasa, how can you not know me better than that by now? If I was lucky enough to have you as my wife, I’d just want you to be happy. I wouldn't just...expect those things from you.” 

“But what about your happiness? What you want?” 

“Those aren’t the things that would bring me happiness. Look, I’m just going to be straight with you. I’ve been in love with you for years, and I don’t want anyone else, okay? Just you. And I can’t keep doing this thing where I pretend I’m happy going out with other people, and you’re supposedly alright with it, while inside I’m counting down the minutes until I can see you again.” 

Fuck words. She pulled him to her, she had her hands on his cheeks and she kissed him for all he was worth. She wanted Jean. She wanted to be happy with Jean. 

 

 

They snuck through the castle, down the winding halls, looking for somewhere tucked away. Seconds after he’d shut the door to the empty study, Jean had her pressed against the wall, hands running down her sides as he began kissing down her neck. 

She unhooked her legs, and led him farther into the room, pushed him down onto one of the armchairs. It made her feel a little dirty, and it sent a little thrill through her to do something like this. 

They didn’t undress fully, just enough so she could sink down onto his cock and ride him. Watching him like this, she felt powerful. The way he gazed up at her with reverence, the way he tried to thrust up helplessly as she controlled the pace.     

_ You have Jean,  _ she heard. The words were hers this time, not Eren’s. 

She moved her hips a little faster, her body pulsing with need as he hit that sweet spot inside that lit sparks behind her eyes. Jean’s fingers worked her clit, and he knew her bodywell because he whispered, “Come for me, Mikasa. Please.” 

With a gasp she came, clenching around him as her orgasm hit. 

His cock slid out of her as she pulled herself up, fingers pressing into the fleshy part of the chair as she moved away. But she wasn’t done yet. 

Mikasa’s dress slipped back down, covering her thighs, slick with sweat and her arousal. “Come and get me,” she said, voice sultry and low. 

“I’ve been doing that for over a decade,” Jean replied, eyes hungry, never wavering, as he stood. He pulled off his shirt, and his body looked powerful, sturdy, cock arrow-straight. 

“You can’t quit now then, I suppose.” 

He crossed the room to her. “No. Have I finally gotten you, Mikasa?” 

“Yes,” she said, resting her hands on his shoulders. He caught her as she used him for leverage to wrap her legs around his sides. She ran her fingers through his hair, still longer than it was when they were teenagers. When they kissed, she could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Hers raced too, and she finally let it fly. 

Jean hiked her dress up again, the red silk pooling around her waist as he backed her up against the wall. He bent his head to kiss her breasts through the thin fabric of her dress while he ran his thumb in lazy, delicious circles over her clit. She keened and moved herself against him, following his motions, letting his rhythm guide her.

“Oh my god,” she said, aching as her orgasm crashed over her. She contracted around the air, wanting him to fuck her. “Please,” she moaned. 

He hoisted her up a bit higher and entered her again. Her body sang out in pleasure, sparks still shooting through her sensitive skin. 

“Can you come again?” he asked. 

She bit her lip and nodded as he began to move. Across the room, she caught sight of them reflected in a glass cabinet. The way Jean looked between her legs, the muscles of his ass clenching as he thrust, made her tighten her thighs around him. She threw her head back as she moaned, letting her body splay as he fucked her. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he said as he moved above her. 

Her face heated up at the compliment. It was the kind of compliment anyone could give her, but it was different coming from Jean. From someone she knew cared so deeply for her. She bit her lip and tried to stay quiet, fighting back a moan. 

But when she came, quivering around him, Mikasa let herself cry out in pleasure. 

 

 

“You haven’t given me an answer,” he said after they’d left the party and returned to his home. They’d cleaned themselves off, fixed their clothes and hair, and appeared among the guests as though they’d never left. It was only because of smirks from Levi and Eren that she knew their absence had been noticed by at least two people. 

They were lying in bed together and she rolled over to face him. “I did.” 

“Sex can’t always be your answer. It could mean anything with you.” 

Mikasa laughed at that. “Yes.” 

“Yes, what?” 

“Eren was right. You’re an ass.” 

He grinned at her. “What else?” 

She gave a heavy sigh and said, “Yes I want to be with you.” 

Jean held her close, and she fell asleep in his arms. 


End file.
